Let’s face it. Guitar face is something guitarists can’t control. It’s something you’re born with, like man boobs or a third nipple. In fact, guitar face is a subject worthy of physiological study…or at least a crappy top-10 list on a guitar blog of dubious worth. 

I’m sure this won’t be the final word on the subject here at Guitarbalooga.

But for now friends, sit back, grab your best girl, crack open a bag of Cheetos, and enjoy Guitarbalooga’s own, Guitar Face: From Lame to…Less Lame!

10. The bottom of the pile is, I’m afraid, one of the Jonas Brothers. Don’t know which one.

Keep trying, buddy. You almost got it. FAIL.

9. John Meyer is famous for his hideous guitar face while playing. Here’s why. It’s like shootin’ fish in a barrel with this guy.

8. Words cannot describe how badly Gene Simmons needs to buy a tongue scraper.

For all that’s good and holy, Gene, buy some Scope and flush all that yellow crap off your tongue. Otherwise, you’re totally cool.

7. Now, everyone knows I’m a die-hard Pat Metheny fan, but holy mother of God he’s got a bad guitar face.

One word, dude: Dulcolax.

6. Give it up for Gary Moore, ladies and gentlemen. The amazing thing is that his face hasn’t been permanently destroyed.

5. Now, I’m not sure if this dude is a guitar player or not, but you gotta give credit to those Japanese engineers for coming out with such lifelike robots these days. It’s hard to believe!

4. Don’t look Angus Young directly in the eyes when he’s playing. Seriously. I’m not kidding.

3. Uh oh! We’ve crossed into the less lame guitar face. Here’s one of the most talented musicians to come out of that horrible grunge era: Dave Grohl.

Am I right? Well played, Dave. Well played.

2. Coming in just shy of the top, the fabulous Mr. Vai:

Seriously, how do you get cooler than that guy? Oh wait… To quote Yoda: “There is another…”

1. EVH

I’m not worthy to wear his sneakers.

The Overlord of Guitar Face: But wait, dear reader! There is one more. Oh yes. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you to the best guitar face ever in the history of all that is rock: some random kid rocking out on a crap acoustic:

I predict great things for this youngster. Don’t let the bastards get you down, kid, and keep on rockin’!

Update: May 7, 2009

WTF?! Regular reader Bobbi Fleckman pointed this out to me about the awesome kid rocking out:

You can’t make this s&*#t up. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for the guy in the back taking his pants off. What kind of party is this?!?!?! Run, kid, run!!!!